CARE OF THE ELDERLY- A BOUNDEN PRIVILEGE
Amongst the motley group of individuals which I come across and meet on my morning walk, two elderly gentlemen, well into their seventies, if not eighties, do stand out, not the least for the somewhat contrasting expressions on their faces. With somewhat frail bodies and backs bent backwards, these two elderly souls , accompanied by an attendant each, unmindful of their slow but steady walk and advancing age, have made it a habit to come to the Park almost daily , to collect their share of fresh air, observe the people around, soak in the greenery, reflect upon the changing colours of nature as manifest in the different seasons and the flowers in bloom and to partake of some relaxed social interaction. However, unfortunately the similarity ends here.
In one case, the accompanying attendant is the embodiment of concern. thoughtfulness and tender care of the highest order. Taking care of the needs of his charge, he adjusts his pace, direction, and movement constantly as per the ever-changing requirements with extraordinary attention to detail. Making sure to take frequent breaks one can see him massaging periodically the elderly hands and feet, in almost reverence, and also helping and assisting, again most tenderly, the old man to carry out some gentle stretching exercise apart from engaging him in an almost constant chat and, of course, makes no attempt to scroll or talk on his mobile phone ( which I have never seen him use). In all this, he seems to enjoy great pleasure as, again, reflected in the expressions of his face and body language. The end -result being a relaxed, beatific, and incandescent expression on the face of the elderly gentleman and enthusiastic reverberations flowing from his demeanor. The attendant ( the nomenclature seems somewhat misplaced for his approach is more akin to that of a son) seems to be thoroughly enjoying his task and the impression that one carries after watching both of them is long-lasting and pleasing.
On the other hand, is an elderly gentleman whose attendant is almost constantly either talking or chatting on his mobile phone scarcely bothered about the needs, desires and concerns of his charge. With the elderly gentleman following him (infact literally being pulled) by placing his hand on the attendant’s shoulder, it is the attendant and not he who sets the pace without ever even bothering to ask him whether he would like to rest, forget about massaging his feet and legs. To top it all I have never seen him, even attempt to strike up a conversation, busy as he is in his own make-believe world. For him, the task appears to him to be just another job — a means of living wherein the need to put in some extra effort is neither mandated nor required and of course not deemed necessary. The outcome is an anxious and almost worried expression on the elderly gentleman’s face with no hint of a smile — of course, happiness and enjoyment seem a distinct mirage.
Well this introduction and the setting for the upcoming dialogue might seem lengthy and out of place, the point sought to be brought out is the fact that the opportunity of tending to and taking care of the elderly — whether your parents, uncles, aunts or anybody else is a privilege — and opportunity, nee, even a blessing as I can tell from personal experience. Having had an opportunity to serve both my parents in their last days, I perennially regret my lack of commitment to them, of spending time with them, engaging with them in conversations which would please them, to take them to their favourite places which they expressed a desire to and in the case of my mother to her pilgrimages and of course failing to fulfilling their other desires and wishes. While offering no excuse for my failures, the vacuum in my heart and a hole in my past life appear most daunting and regretful — of course, something which I cannot do anything about — except for the constant pangs of guilt.
It is here that the role played by nurses, attendants, care-givers, mid-wives, healthcare professionals and the like comes into focus and acquires extraordinary importance. Faced with the task of caring for someone with whom they scarcely have an emotional bond with, save and except for their professional or vocational duty, their ability to put service beyond self and go to extraordinary lengths to provide comfort, solace, succor and relief to their patient or care is really worthy of not just emulation but also resounding applause and should serve as a reminder to all humanity of their duty to take care of the elderly which opportunity, as the caption of this article says, is undoubtedly an unbounded privilege.
Caught, as we are in our own materialistic pursuits where meetings, deadlines, sticking to schedules, maneuvering and strategising office politics and other “pressing” issues dominate, the care of our family elders , forget about loving and tender, has a tendency to fall by the wayside. It is here that we forsake, discard, and utterly disregard the privilege that we are extremely fortunate to have fallen our way.
To give a philosophical direction to this discussion, I am reminded of the words of the Saint of Kolkata — Mother Teresa — “Love till it hurts” or as his Holiness the Dalai Lama in his own unique style puts it — “if you want to be truly selfish, help someone”. The care for the elderly provides you this opportunity of showering love, care and affection with almost no possibility of any material returns, save their innate blessings and earnest prayers for your wellbeing, of course, entirely unadulterated and sans recourse. The need also is to approach the situation not with a sense of duty but as a pleasure and a privilege and to seize the opportunity and not spend a lifetime in regret (as in my case). While the missed opportunity will never ever again arise the blessings, prayers and wishes will power you and energize your life, leaving you, in the least with a satisfied and contended mindset.
The wishes and prayers of the elderly have a direct and unhindered passage to God (which ever form you might believe in) and have an impeccable and uncanny way of becoming reality(remember Munshi Premchand’s iconic story- Eidgah a touching tale of the emotional bond between a four-year-old orphan Hamid and his grandmother Amina).
To conclude, let us remember,, the choice is between putting in the extra effort to care for the elderly, what the Bhagwat Gita calls “Nishkaama Karma”, and be the beneficiary of their unfiltered and bountiful blessings or else repent intensely over a lifetime . Always remember if there is someone who would genuinely feel pride in your achievements and your success it is your parents — they would be the most contented and happiest souls even when you are able to surpass their achievements and accomplishments.
