THE IMPERMANENCE OF LOSS AND TRANSIENCE OF TRAGEDY
Caught in the throes a pandemic whose tentacles have engulfed practically the entire humanity, the overall feeling of negativity and anxiety are ever so discernible with the fear of impending loss and, perhaps, tragedy ever-present. In a day and age where the world revolves around RT-PCR reports, CT scores, endless investigations and a constant clamour for beds coupled with the sheer uncertainty arising from dealing with an endemic, monstrous yet invisible enemy, loss, tragedy and misfortune have become essential ingredients of our daily life — hardly any conversation/interaction is complete without any mention of the deadly affliction or news about a mishappening , more often than not involving someone whom you dearly loved or was an integral part of your life.
It is in this context that my mind set to work on ways and means to deal with the aftermath of loss — even though social, print and electronic media are buzz with enough material on the subject. For starters I was reminded of my Father (who had suffered more than a fair degree of misfortune and pain in his life time, dealt of course with a smile and with untold courage and fortitude) who very simplistically used to put it in Hindi- “Jab acche din nikal gaye to bure din bhi nikal jayenge” (when good days have passed even the bad ones will also become mere footprints on the sands of time). A remarkably simplistic way of dealing with life tragedies — of course, easy to speak but diametrically equally difficult to implement and practice.
It was by sheer chance that I recently started following Freddy Birdy, originally a Bar and restaurant designer, artist and adman but a rage on social media and in fact having more followers than many movie stars. Also featuring in the Sunday issue of “Hindustan Times — Brunch” where his quotes appear under the caption “Sunday in a sentence” he very aptly puts it:-
“However, gigantic a thundercloud,
it will always empty itself of rain”
Interpreting it in my own way, I thought, that while the immediate aftermath of a cloud-burst or lightening strike is fear, anxiety and even destruction, once the thundercloud has emptied itself, and its energy dissipates, the resultant feeling is of calm, serenity, even relief as to the worst being over and a general sense of freshness and vibrancy — the freshly bathed tree leaves and awashed landscape conveying a distinct positivity.
Dealing further into his Instagram account I also saw the following two posts which caught immediate attention.
“If a hundred good things don’t last;
How can one bad thing”
AND
“Some losses are tear-drops”
Both the posts in their own way emphasise and focus on the sheer ephemeral nature of pain, tragedy and loss. The comparison between loss and tear-drops, becomes relevant since although the sheer transient nature of loss is self-evident, tear drops also have the propensity of being subsumed by the elements in double quick time. Admittedly, sometimes, the magnitude of loss (personal, emotional and financial) might lead to tear-drops turning into a torrential flow-nevertheless just as tears are self-limiting and unwittingly cease over time, losses and tragedy have to and will, (sooner rather than later) or to use the currently dreaded word, albeit in a different context, mutate -the mutation in which case being pleasant, wholesome and eagerly awaited with pregnant expectation.
My thoughts also went back to heart-warming message shared by the late celebrated, much loved actor Irrfan Khan from his hospital bed while under treatment for a deadly affliction -which ironically and tragically turned out to be his last message. Originally meant to promote the movie “Angrezi Medium” the message seeks to in fact inject positivity in an otherwise bleak scenario: -
“Hello Brothers and Sisters, Namaskar, I am Irrfan…. Today, I am with you and I am not with you… Well, this film ‘Angrezi Medium’ is very special for me. Believe me, my sincere wish was to promote this film with as much love as we have made it. But there are some unwanted guests sitting inside my body. I am having a conversation with them. Let’s see which side camel sits. As it happens, you will be informed.”
“There is a saying that when life gives you lemons, make a lemonade… It is nice to speak but when life really gives you lemons in your hand, it becomes very difficult to make lemonade. What else do you have besides being positive? In these circumstances, it is up to you to make lemon juice or not. And we all have made this film with the same positiveness. I hope this film will make you laugh, teach, make you cry, then laugh… and yes… wait for me.”
Ironically while Irfan Khan passed into eternity valiantly trying to make lemonade out of lemons, something which he himself admitted was difficult, he nevertheless, rather disarmingly taught us there is no option other than being positive, take misfortunes headlong, adversity by the horns and tragedy and losses in their stride.
The above discussion might to seem a trifle trivial or commonplace, so to inject some amount of seriousness, I turned to theology and ventured to look at the teachings of some religions on dealing with tragedy, losses and its accompanying distress. Starting with the “Bhagavat Gita”, I came across the following Shloka from Chapter 2 Verse -14:-
“mātrā-sparśhās tu kaunteya śhītoṣhṇa-sukha-duḥkha-dāḥ
āgamāpāyino ’nityās tans-titikṣhasva bhārata”
(The contact between the senses and the sense objects gives rise to fleeting perceptions of happiness and distress, which are non-permanent, and come and go like the winter and summer seasons and one must learn to tolerate them without being disturbed)
The above shloka is immediately followed by the following (Chapter 2 Verse 15): -
“yaṁ hi na vyathayantyete puruṣhaṁ puruṣharṣhabha
sama-duḥkha-sukhaṁ dhīraṁ so ’mṛitatvāya kalpate”
(The person who is not affected by happiness and distress, and remains steady in both, becomes eligible for liberation)
Trying to gain an insight into the Sikh belief on dealing with grief and death of loved ones, I happened to listen to a remarkable interview with Bhai Satpal Singh on the breakfast show of Sikh Channel UK where he discusses grief, bereavement and coping with the death of loved ones. Deliberating on the issue he talks of how “Gurbani” (compositions by Sikh Gurus and other writers of “Guru Granth Sahib”) helps us to avoid grief in the first place and how to deal with grief when it befalls. Dwelling further he refers to how “Gurbani” seeks to normalise death — makes it a fact of our thought process and particularly refers to Pauri (Verse) 28 of the “Japji Sahib” which goes as follows:-
“khinthaa kaal ku-aaree kaa-i-aa
jugat dandaa parteet”
(Let the remembrance of death be the patched coat you wear, let the purity of virginity be your way in the world, and let faith in the Lord be your walking stick)
He also refers to how Guru Nanak Devji’s teachings remind us that just as we wear our clothes, remember that death is a cloak that you wear every day — of course, he goes on to say death is unavoidable but grief is avoidable and is a choice. On dealing with death he refers to how Sikhism treats death not as a loss and how Gurbani teaches us that the person who passed away did not belong to you in the first place and distinguish it from the feeling of loss that death commonly entails. He refers to the following Gurbani by Guru Amar Das ji :-
“Eaehu Kuttanb Thoo J Dhaekhadhaa Chalai Naahee Thaerai Naalae”
(This family which you see shall not go along with you)
Sikhism treats death not in a sense of loss (something that we normally associate death with) but as a realisation that the person who passed away was never something that did eternally belong to us in the first place — you did not create this relationship it was just given to you or happened to you — we are all just one clay and one light — akin to puppets.
Moving on to Islam, the following extract from the “Holy Quran” (2: 156) emphasizes the inevitable and irrefutable fact of death:-
“Innā lillāhi wa innā ilayhī rājiʿūn”
(Surely, we belong to Allah and to him shall we return)
Given its more practical meaning it seems to convey that death is an irrefutable fact which we cannot deny. Time and again, we lose ourselves in this transient world thinking that we are going to live here forever. As a result, Allah reminds us and shows us signs with the loss of a loved one to show that everything in this world is just temporary. Islamic scholars also advise Dua (Supplication), Sabr (Patience), not dwelling in isolation, aiding and forgiveness, Sadaga (Charity), occupying oneself and reflection as an aid to deal with appearingly inconsolable loss.
Moving on the Buddhism I recently happened to read an article “Impermanence is Buddha nature” by Norman Fischer wherein he emphasises on the Buddhist view of impermanence as the cornerstone of Buddhist teachings and practice wherein everything vanishes and that there is nothing more important than continuing the path with diligence with all other options either denying or giving a short-shrift to the problem.
While impermanence is an inescapable and essential painful fact of life and as Buddha emphasises as everything vanishes nothing is more important than continuing the path with diligence- all other options being a reflection of a state of denial. Going on he very feelingly and more so on the basis of personal experience goes on to say:-
“Impermanence is not only to be overcome and conquered. It is also to be lived and appreciated, because it reflects the “all are” side of our human nature.
Impermanence being the only permanence, is to be accepted as inevitable and the feeling of pain loss can only be a profoundly beautiful reminder of what it means to exist
In Christianity I happened to read and article by the Evangelist Michael Gormley who quoted from the Bible: -
“Our task as Christians is not to solve someone’s hurt but to remain with them and weep with those who weep”
He promotes the gospel of self-emptying love — called “Kenosis” — which is the opposite of clinging or holding lightly wherein a person free himself from personal or selfish concerns to caring and empathising for others and on the need to let go.
Again, the conclusion that inevitably takes birth and arises in the receptacles of the mind, and which, I am sure all religions (in addition to those sampled above) seem to convey is the need for equanimity, caring, help and compassion in these difficult times — suffering, tragedy, loss might come in droves, even unannounced, but the fact is they are inevitable and to be dealt with headlong-there is no other option.
To conclude, I reproduce the poem “All is Well” which provided me tremendous solace and calm in my trysts with tragedy and loss, whether recent and not so recent: -
“Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me and if you want to, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was,
Let it be spoken without effect,
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval.
Somewhere very near.
Just around the corner.
All is well.”
